We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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