I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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