it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
sex in a hospital.. check
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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