There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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