White coat. Heels.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
