So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
