DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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