Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
