That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
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The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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