im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My feet surprised me
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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