Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
