Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
