If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
