I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
