4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
