So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
