So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
