I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my being single is dangerous.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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