you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
