if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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