I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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