No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
