i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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