I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
