We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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