Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
