You can't motorboat a personality
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
