He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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