I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
