Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
