god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
