i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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