i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
