it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize