I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
