Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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