she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
