I wannas sexs uuuuu
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
