so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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