tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
