bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
