and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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