Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
