The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Less talking, more tequila
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
