I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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