Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
