Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
