Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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