What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
