last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
its not stalking. its research.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
