why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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