I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
