I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
