Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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