Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
