Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
