So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
