I wanna bring you to show and tell
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
