Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i believe in u and ur pee
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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