just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
