i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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