She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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