I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
