took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize