Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
