i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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