Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
