Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
