We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
