sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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