I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
