I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
